“Excuse Me, Waiter, There’s a Rubberband In My Soup”

I hold no license to be a restaurant critic nor have I received any specialized training on the subject.  (that was my disclaimer…)  HOWEVER, I have been to more than one restaurant, and I think that that alone gives me some sort of entitlement to make an assessment of good vs bad, even if it is just my opinion.  SO here goes.

My girlfriends from work and I went to lunch Friday to a little mexican food place in Irving Tx called Juana Gallo Cocina Mexicana.  I uh, ok.  It was quite an experience.

The moment I stepped into the building,  I felt like I was immediately transported to Mexico.  The smell of cooked canine filled the air as the locals prepared vats of unidentifiable dishes — or “comidas” as they like to call it.  My friend ordered a drink called rice water.  It smelled a little off, but was rather tasty – with a hint of cinnamon.  When I asked the cook what was in it, he said something about “orina de raton”.  I don’t know what he meant, but we all had a sip of the yellow-ish nectar.  After visiting the vast condiment bar, I returned to my table with pico de gallo, only to be greeted by a puppet salesman (I shit you not).  We all smiled and said “WE DO NOT WANT TO BUY A PUPPET” – with increased volume – to compensate for the language barrier, of course.  It was just like Mexico.  We felt warm and fuzzy inside.  When I got my food, it looked interesting.  Like 2 big savory hot pockets.  When I poured the pico de gallo on my lunch, I was surprised to see a rubberband swimming in the bowl with the cilantro.  “This must be a Mexican good-luck thing.” I thought.  I was disappointed to find out that it was not a Mexican good-luck thing.  It was actually used to remove the cat’s gonads prior to putting them in my hot pocket – along with the unidentifiable bones.  Needless to say, I filled up on corn tortillas and butter.

And now, my rating of this little Mexican gem, found right in our own Irving backyard:

It was crap and made me want to vomit.  It could only have been worse if the puppet had gouged out my eyes and removed my tongue with pinking shears.